The New Year, New You Syndrome
Here it is, another year in the books. And here you are making New Year’s resolutions, again.
Are these the same resolutions that you made last year and the year before?
How many years have you made resolutions and achieved and maintained them?
If you are like most people, the answer is likely to be none.
I used to work in the fitness industry. It was like clockwork—people would join the gym in droves at the end of December to early January. Every machine would be occupied, the locker rooms a sea of people until February 17 and then the newcomers would go back to their old habits never to be seen again.
Do you know why this happens? Your mind and body are stuck on repeat.
The Not So New You
I have said it before and I will say it again (this profound revelation is what put me on this journey), most people are living the same day over and over and over again.
The body loves routine and for many processes, it needs routine. The key is to know how to leverage the routine, autonomic responses versus surprising your body for optimal results.
You can probably look back over the last few years and see the pattern:
Holidays and overeating.
Less exercise.
The vow to be better January 1.
Enroll in a gym, a class, a contest.
Try new recipes.
This party. That event. You’re too tired. Your boss made you work late. The kids don’t like vegetables.
And you’re back to slapping snooze three times, groggily moving through the morning, commuting to work, picking up the kids, running through the drive-thru, and then settling on the couch to watch TV and scroll social before you go to bed and do it all again the next day.
Hey, no judgement, I had a similar routine and I am still unraveling pieces of that “routine” that need to go.
This year, find the real you. The real you with a purpose.
How to Find the Real You
Since I began this journey, I have had countless conversations with women about what they want to change in their lives. Most feel “stuck” in their jobs, longing for something more fulfilling that also allows space for kids, family, friends, and their own wellbeing.
It seems like a lofty goal, yet it is all very possible.
From my own experience, I will tell you that it takes time, persistence, and a strong desire to change.
STEP ONE: Ask yourself, am I ready to change? You can read all the self-help books in the world and see the best therapists, but if you are not ready for the challenge of change, you will not change. No one can do it for you. If you lose 30 pounds and keep it off. If you stop drinking. If you give up worrying. If you start speaking up for yourself. All that is you. Your therapist, your husband, your sister, nor your best friend can do it for you. They can inspire you, but it all comes down to you.
If you answered yes, keep reading.
STEP TWO: Stop being the victim. Life is a gift. Life doesn’t happen to you; it happens for you. Take a look at those New Year’s resolutions again.
You want to lose that same 20 pounds you have been carrying around since you graduated college, but you don’t have time to work out, you don’t have time to eat right or cook right or meal prep, your husband won’t eat healthy, your kids won’t eat healthy, you can’t afford the gym, the classes, the weather is too cold, etc. It’s all a blame game—someone or something is stopping you. I’ve got news for you—people have achieved more with a lot less than you have. If you really want it, you really want things to be different, you must change. Now, that change may not be as linear as healthier eating habits and exercising. You might need to ask new and different questions. You must be willing to explore all the reasons you have not reached your goals: hormones, nutrient deficiencies, stress, toxins–there is a lot to unravel.
Oh, and you can’t give up.
I use the example of weight loss because, well, it is one of the hottest topics this time of year, but also because “why can’t I lose weight?” is the most searched query on the internet.
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Maybe your resolution is to leave a dead-end job or spend more time with your family or go on a dream vacation or improve your health. Whew! Those sound a lot less in your control, right? You don’t have the money, no one wants to hire you, and how do you make more time?
The victim mentality applies here too. Ask yourself why you don’t have enough money or time? Are you addicted to ordering on Amazon or driving through Starbucks? Do you eat out or order in too often?
Is that job a dead end or a steppingstone to what’s next?
How are you framing your life? Again, is it happening to you or for you.
STEP THREE: Look backward. How did you get here? What have you learned? What have you achieved? If it had all been so easy, would you be the person you are today, asking the right questions to be on this journey?
I used to look back over my career and feel like a failure. When I reframed my past and recognized that many of the “failures” were not failures but opportunities to learn, everything took on a whole new meaning and my purpose began to come into focus.
Look back 10 years, 5 years, 3 years, one year. . . all of it matters. You can even go back to your childhood—your family of origin has lots of hidden gems too. Again, are you the victim of your circumstances or did it all set the course for the greatness you will achieve from this day forward?
STEP FOUR: If all the analysis in steps one through three didn’t lead to breaking out a journal and a pen, that is your next step. You don’t have to be a writer to write it all down. The process of writing what you’re feeling and not worrying if anyone else will ever see it is a game changer.
Along with journaling, start meditating. Completing shutdown your thoughts. There are several “tutorials” on meditating. It is hard but once you get it, WOW! There is a reason ancient cultures have relied on it for thousands of years.
I never believed in meditation but since I began back in September, my life has changed. It has not been without considerable effort over and over again.
As you reflect while you journal and meditate, consider several things and start working through those:
- What habits are not serving me?
- What thoughts are not serving me?
- What do I love to do?
- What do I want more of in my life?
- When do I feel like my most authenticate self?
- Who supports me in being my best?
- Where do I meet resistance?
- What are you afraid of?
These can be hard conversations and may take months to unravel.
For me, the habits and thoughts were the best first place to start. Too much TV and too much time ruminating on what everyone else did or said—what a waste of energy! I wrote about Mel Robbin’s new book The Let Them Theory and both the article and the book talk about all the energy wasted on trying to control things that cannot be controlled.
You can’t change the past—no matter how many times you replay the conversation or the event. Worry won’t get your kids home safer. Yelling and stomping your feet won’t improve your marriage. The only thing you can control is you. You have a choice you can be the victim and blame everyone around you or you can change your approach or the situation all together.
What you might find is that some of the people, places, events, or habits in your life must go. That will be hard, but it was never right in the first place. It is ok to grieve and then go on.
Unveil the True You
You don’t need a new you, you need the real you. All your dreams will come true. You will live with purpose.
This New Year, ask yourself the hard questions. Let go of fear. Push against the resistance. Start to peel back who you are and what you are doing here.
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